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I was really into pastels my last year of high school. My room looks like an Easter basket exploded and the colors stained the walls and floors. All of my belongings from American Musical and Dramatic Academy, or AMDA for short, are back in place in my room. Damn, I had a sweet spot in the bungalows too. I bet my friends and teachers all think I’m dead. Whatever. I’m too tired to think about my life. I hope my mom calls Logan for me. I mean, it was bad enough just popping up on her doorstep after all this time. I can’t do that to him. If he is even still in Los Angeles. That thought frightens me. At least if she calls him first, giving him time to process the fact that I am home, he won’t have to stare at me like a ghost come back to life when he sees me. Because as much as I can’t wait to see Logan, I fear the same look in his eyes. What if he has moved on? He could have a whole new life, complete with a girlfriend by now. What if he has a girlfriend? I can’t be upset with him if he. My daddy found me on my back with my legs spread open, the other girl was poking her fingers into my - my cunny, and I think I was having an orgasm."Father yelled at us and frightened my girlfriend away. Then he raped me. He raped me for almost two months before my mother found out and sent him to prison. Only my mother was sure that I had seduced him, and she abandoned me to a foster home. Later I heard that she had been arrested for prostitution. And after I grew out of foster care, I never looked for her. That wasn't my mommy. I wanted to believe my mommy loved her little girl. I told myself, I had the best mommy in the world until I was raped. I blamed myself."Calvin, I know why I do what I do. I'm not sick. I don't lose control. I don't have multiple personalities. Sometimes I have to force myself to become your little girl. I do it to punish myself." But why mommy, why?" My sniffles and whimpers continued. Maybe I still was just a boy."Because I'm evil, and I hated you."I could.
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